Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

The words, “kiss me through the phone” by Soulja Boy have a whole new meaning when you are in a long-distance relationship.

A long-distance relationship has its ups and downs, as any normal relationship does. It all depends on your attitude and how you treat yourself. I have been doing long-distance for a couple of years now and have learned so much about myself and our relationship. Here are the biggest takeaways from my experience.

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years, and we have been long-distance for about two of those years. During this time, we have had to learn and adapt to being away from each other. In college, you will learn more about yourself than you will ever learn in a classroom and the same happens for your partner.

Growth

Since the beginning of freshman year, I have changed my major four times. My interests have changed with every class and experience. As a result, my self-confidence is the thing that has grown the most. Without my partner present, it made me realize I need my confidence to come from myself, not from him or anyone else.

In the past, I was very dependent on his reassurance, because I based my self-worth on his approval. I asked his opinion on the most trivial things, like picking between two shirts or a new pair of shoes. I came to realize that in order to boost my confidence, I needed to decide these things for myself.

Confidence

This newfound confidence helped me feel more comfortable with my partner, and resulted in better communication between us. We could talk openly about everything; it encouraged a supportive attitude and negated the need to seek approval.

Taking this time apart to become a strong, independent individual is so important. While it might sound daunting, separation is not as scary as you think. I am sure you have heard the phrase, “you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.” It does take some getting used to, but with patience and confidence, it becomes easier every day.

My Advice

We all make mistakes when it comes to relationships. If I could share one piece of advice, it would be to not isolate yourself or let fear control your life.

Freshman year, I consistently chose to be alone over spending time with friends just in case my partner needed me. Being alone is great when you need it, but not when you are already lonely. I remember never being present with my friends, because I was always on my phone. I would stop mid-conversation to answer a text. I would cancel plans all the time and felt very flaky. I had a fear of not being there if my partner wanted to talk to me. I used to talk to him constantly, and this sudden change made me hesitant to miss any opportunity to talk to him.

I was not involved and didn’t venture out of my dorm much until spring semester of freshman year. My friends encouraged me to go with them on a spontaneous beach trip— the opposite of what I had become accustomed to. After some motivation, I caved and said yes. The trip was the most fun I had during my entire freshman year, and it forced me to stop being so glued to my phone. I realized this separation from my phone was exactly what I needed and helped me overcome my fear.

After that, I got much more involved. I got a job, joined a sorority, and even some clubs. My advice would be to find hobbies, go on walks, explore the campus— anything to keep your mind off the distance. Enjoy yourself because this will definitely benefit your relationship, and college only lasts so long.

See the positives

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. There is nothing as sweet as seeing my partner after a period of distance. The time spent together is well worth it. Enjoy the moments together and look towards the future.

I always get so excited when my partner comes to Auburn because I get to show him my favorite restaurants, shops, hikes, parks, and favorite spots around campus. He gets to spend time with my friends and see how I’m involved on campus. The same goes when I go to visit him. It's like a little taste of their world. It's so exciting to show him everything I love to do.

Find “the little things”

My favorite thing we share is our Spotify playlist. We had it before, but now I find it more useful than ever. It allows us to share our favorite songs and listen to it whenever we miss each other. It has over 35 hours of music now and I am always adding something new. If you can find little things like sharing music, it helps with the separation. If you look for the positives, you can easily find them; if you can’t value the positives more than the negatives, it will never work out.

Conclusion

In the beginning, it will hurt. Embrace that you have something important enough to miss. It's more than okay to be sad, but it is best to not let it consume you. You both need to live your lives. If it is meant to be, it will be. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Practice patience with each other and be positive. I wish the very best for you and your partner and hope this bit of advice will help!

If you are happy, you can make others happy. Stay active and engaged with friends. This will help more than you realize, and you can best help your relationship by helping yourself.

Put that phone down, have some fun, and

Be Well, Auburn.